overstretch maharani: Is there a chance for a crosscultural relationship at a young age ...

Is there a chance for a crosscultural relationship at a young age?

Posted on July 26, 2012 by Krystyna in Questions - Answers

Pryvit Krystyna,

My name is Andy, I?m from America. Thank you so much for this blog which I?ve spent hours on, trying to help my life. Here is my story and some questions.

Really, I?m in the very very early stage of a relationship. I started a summer job at my city?s zoo, and 1 week later three beautiful college girls my own age arrived in a university program from Ukraine. I?ve now been flirting and dating with one, Inna, and by extension have become friends with all three.

You are so right about Ukrainian girls? intimacy, as compared to American girls! She will act all day crazy about me, physically, but at night it takes much more patience, as a man, than with some American girls. Which is fine for me, it is more rewarding. We both laughed because, she and her friends hate seeing the way Americans dance in the club, they find grinding to be disgusting. But my girl is very happy to French kiss/ make out in public, to which I and many Americans prefer more privacy. This is a point we both laugh at each other?s culture difference.

But overall, I feel like we?re crazy about each other. We see each other almost daily at work, but also usually 3 times a week now outside of work. I love showing her my city. She?s a type that loves the nightlife, even in Ukraine I can tell.

Is there a chance for a crosscultural relationship at a young age?

We?ve written notes and texts about where this may be going. We both do not label ourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend, but have said that if we were born in the same country, we would be. Overall, we feel she probably must go back after summer. She said that, before leaving, she thought she might extend her trip here for one of two reasons: To take college classes here, or for a romance. I have encouraged her, in person, to do what she feels, of course. But I would be lying if I say to you, I don?t care if she leaves.

Now that you know my story, Krystyna, would it be proper of me to encourage her to stay here longer? If I only suggest to her, to sign up for some classes at college, and see how we feel about each other after 4 more months? Or is that a rude thing for me to suggest?

She has even said why don?t I go to her country, to which I said I know none of her language and would take some time. (But guess what she doesn?t know, I?ve downloaded a beginner?s Ukrainian course.) I would be open to visiting her home. But obviously the thought of either of us moving, scares the hell out of both of us. And we both come from middle-low income homes and don?t have a lot of money to visit back and forth. Sometimes I feel like this is doomed already. We both say out loud, that we should be smart and enjoy this only for summer. But then why do I take the time already to learn some Ukrainian? What do you think? Does our relationship have any future? Have you heard any stories of a young couple like us, and if so how did they end, even if it?s not really the ending I?d like to hear. Any input you have will help even more than your amazing website already does! And I?ll be happy to answer any questions as well, if you have any.

Thank you so much,
Andy.

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Krystyna answers:

Krystyna

Hello Andy!

First, I would like to say thank you very much to you for your nice words about my blog!!!! Is there a chance for a crosscultural relationship at a young age?
Your words really motivate me to develop my site further and write many interesting articles about traditions and dating in Ukraine.
It is really important to me to get feedback from my readers!!!!

Now to your question:

Living in Germany, I was exposed to a variety of cultures. And I have observed how young people from Germany have developed friendships and relationships with students from a wide variety of back grounds and regions. Being an Intercultural Studies Master, I was especially aware of the effect culture had on the students around me.

One of the most interesting facets of intercultural relationships to me (I can mention that from my personal experience, I have? a relationship with a German man) was the romantic relationship. It is very excitied ti flirt with the person from another culture ? something new, romantic and special! For some of my friends, flirting led to dating. Some of those dating grew quite serious in their relationship. And then summer came.

I would say that many college students in relationships find themselves and their love for another stretched particularly during summer months. Usually distance, new schedules, and different living situations affect this. But for international students? relationships, distance is often extreme, and different schedules and living situations are only a small part of vast cultural differences. This causes those in such relationships or observing them to question if young college students are ready for this.

Because college is a time in which people experience changes in their identity and understanding of the world. This makes college a great time for experiencing, learning about, and engaging with different cultures, even through a relationship. At the same time, this puts enormous strain on intercultural relationships. That students are not financially stable (especially enough for long-distance travel) further strains the relationship. However, with much patience and strong commitment, intercultural relationships born in college can have a happy ending, but often the relationship comes under great strain and challenge.

I hope I could help you!

I wish you a lot of luck in your Ukrainian dating adventure!